Long Live The Queen!

by The Mayor!

I’m THE QUEEN of multitasking…(yes, I AM a Mayor & a Queen, thank you very much)…frankly, I thrive on chaos, & am often at my best when under pressure. I’m not one to sit still. My least favourite activities are going to a movie or out for dinner, since I simply cannot stay in one spot for any length of time. There’s just too much to do, places to go, people to see! And sleeping is also over rated, who has time for that??!! I’m literally able to, & usually do, have at least ten things going at once. But I wouldn’t advise you to try this at home, I am a highly trained, skilled professional in the art of juggling! It has taken years of practise, with more than a few broken toes along the way as I attempted to juggle too many things at once & had it all come crashing down around me! Take today for example…

After sending my 3 school kids off, my girlfriend dropped 2 of hers off for the morning, kids that I sit fairly regularly & absolutely adore. Even better, their mother & I have grown up together, (almost 30 years now!), & it’s an amazing thing to see our own kids having sleepovers & play dates together. So I now have two 3 year olds girls, & a 5 year old boy to entertain. The girls promptly got into some lipstick, & despite the mess, their goofy little faces were cause for much laughter! Dishes, laundry, phone calls, computer games, playing dress up with the girls, pouring drinks every 2 minutes, helping the only boy to find some of my son’s toys to play with, all going at once. I again find my own little brat dragging the piggy out of his cage to “show her friend”, & now I’m supervising 3 little ones with our new pet. Turn my back for a moment, the girls have played dress up with HIM…he was cold Mommy! Put the poor critter away before he decides he’s had it once & for all & goes all “Cujo” on them. Lunch time…get the assembly line going of 6 plates, 6 cups, 6 sandwiches, & almost an entire brick of cheese to cut up & a jug of juice to pour! Again, refereeing various fights over toys, TV shows, & computer usage, & send 3 back out the door. Change a diaper, gather up dishes, fold some laundry, answer the phone, check my Facebook, chase them away from the piggy cage, find a movie, put on the movie…ahhhhh, 5 minutes of peace!….tired of the movie…take out the movie, take out some colouring, take out a puzzle, take out dinner, take out the garbage, take out another loaf of bread & tin of juice from the freezer, take out some lettuce so the kids can feed the piggy! Yes, all at once! Cause I am the Queen!!

My girlfriend arrives to gather her troops, & off they go. A look at the clock tells me I have about an hour before my own get home. Some quick tidy up from the little ones, chop up the chicken for dinner, find a recipe I want to use, switch the laundry, kids home. I can hear the crying before the door even opens…my 6 year old. A “structure” she has been building at school all week has fallen apart on the journey home & she is devastated! Within minutes, all 3 of my girls are crying or screaming over various tragedies. The boy takes the 6 year old to try his hand at fixing her structure, & I am now arguing with the other 2 girls over a bag of chips. Yes, really…all that AND a bag of chips!! The one I butt heads with has been pissy & miserable all day, & she storms off in a screeching huff. Moments later she’s back, & I’m explaining the chip situation, & that she needs to listen to Mommy, not to the 3 year old who had told her she had to share with her, when she was really just trying to scam some more since she had already eaten her own bowl. My oldest daughter is once again screaming at me, & sticking her tongue out. I think her head is about to spin around….I tell her she can go stare at the wall until she is ready to behave rationally, & she hauls off & whacks her sister on her way out of the room. I tell her she is now going to her room until she is ready to apologize, she yells NO! I ask her if she‘d rather find out what if feels like to have someone bigger than her haul off & whack her like she just whacked her sister, and for the very first time as a parent, I got THAT line….& I was NOT impressed! THIS is what she said to me….YOU can NOT lay a finger on me, it’s illegal to ever touch your children, my friend at school told me that, & I will call the police if you ever touch me!….WELL….That’s just GREAT….how DO you even respond to that??!! I chose to pick her up, carry her kicking & screaming to her room, dump her rather unceremoniously on to her bed, & slam my own way out of the room. And though I’m well aware there may have been a better way to handle it, I’m actually quite impressed with how calm I remained, given the extreme attitude & disrespect she was showing…& since I’m fairly certain my eyeballs were bleeding by then! I gave her (me??!!) 15 minutes to cool down, then went in & began that loving, motherly probe, trying to ascertain if there was an underlying reason for her being so unhappy & miserable this week. Getting no response, I left her & went off to make dinner.

Once again proving my own insanity, I had chosen to make chicken balls & Chinese rice…from scratch….what followed was almost 3 hours of slaving over hot oil, covering my kitchen & myself in flour, batter, & grease, with the help of little hands of course, while the one I butt heads with finally skulked down & was now screaming at us about her math homework…AGAIN…& throwing her workbook across the room. And after all my time & effort, not one of those girls would touch the dinner I had just busted my hump to make!! Brats. Meanwhile, the one we screwed up has been glued to the computer screen turning his brain to mush with youtube, because Heaven forbid he should offer to help with anything!! And suddenly it’s after 9 o’clock at night, I’m fairly certain I haven’t even brushed my hair today, I’m covered in oil, flour, & pea soup, & there’s STILL snacks, backpacks, agendas, homework, & outfits for tomorrow to sort out,! And let’s not forget, a blog to finish, I can’t disappoint all those visitors to Crazy Town! Thankfully, I AM the Queen of multitasking! Chaos IS what I do best….even if I did burn through more than a few of those capes & tights today!

So! Long Live The Queen! Ahhhh, who am I kidding, if the stress doesn’t kill me first, I’m liable to overdose on that case of valium/candy necklaces I just ordered!

Signed,

The Mayor!