Holy Crap!

by The Mayor!

Busy quotes I only have 2 handsSo, you know, up all night making freaking buttons, ’cause I’m crazy like that & really stinkin’ good at getting sucked in by my own never ending quest for perfection. Nauseatingly enough, I was still conscious when The Dad got UP for work whilst I tossed & turned, chasing sleep, tormented by my dissatisfaction over Cheryl’s button. Thanking all that is good & holy in the world, it was a P.A. day for the rug rats & I slept ’til 10 a.m…..at which point I hit the ground running, having slept in my skull sneakers to facilitate this, following, of course, what was already a typically hectic week.

What The Hell Are You Feeding That Kid?!

Despite the loss of my eyebrows along the way, I made a trip to The Third Circle Of Hell, & managed to get The One We Screwed Up sorted out with his closet…..a task that had some urgency attached to it, serving to stomp out my attempts at procrastinating. My son has always been a small kid. About to turn 12, he’s been a couple of clothing sizes behind his age seemingly forever, & last summer was wearing 7/8 clothing….at 11 years old. Fall arrived, & he was wearing 8-10. Come February, every other item he pulled out was suddenly too small, on an almost daily basis. By March, this kid was wearing size 14-16. CRAZY growth spurt, but long overdue.Basement funny quote image Again, thanking all that is good & holy, an amazing friend who buys really nice sh** for her older boy, passes it all on to me. Admittedly, it lands in the bottomless pit of my basement, typically for 2-3 years, before finding it’s way in to my boy’s closet….not so much now! She recently dropped off a few bags that immediately went in to circulation, & a foray in to the bottomless pit to scrounge through bins pretty much refilled the closet I had just completely emptied. I now have 5 garbage bags full of clothes that fit my boy mere months ago, making their way to The Best Friend’s bottomless pit of a basement for 2-3 years until they fit The Only Child. Have fun with that!

Put A Sock On It Bobby!

Of course, as most Moms know, any attempt to delve in to “extra” projects, just winds up throwing the rest of your household in to a tailspin….thus I spent the last two days playing catch up. Since I hadn’t seen the cat in awhile, I figured I’d better start with the mounds of laundry on the high probability he was buried alive somewhere in there….surviving on the scraps of bubblegum likely to be found in brat pockets, while entertaining himself with the crayons & Socks funny cartoon imagelipsticks that always seem to be lurking in girly pockets, waiting to destroy our clothing once they hit the machines. This crappy task always leads me to ruminate on the mysterious Sock Hop going on somewhere in the deep, dark recesses of my laundry room…you know, the one that explains all those missing single socks out there partying it up, & gives credence to the theory that opposites attract. I take solace in the fact that something in this house is having fun though.

Run, Bitch, Run!!!

Once I had rescued my gum chewing, lipstick wearing, apparently transsexual, cat from the laundry pile, I was all over town hitting the bank, the gas station, the grocery store, the birthday gift store, The Nanny’s, The Friend’s to drop off said birthday gift, the hairdressers for his usual Zac Efron cut that turned out to be a “Well that’s JUST GREAT Mom, now I’m gonna get my ass kicked at school!” Justin Bieber cut for the boy, some brat or another annoying me here, some jackass or another pissing meTGIF funny cat image off there, a pig cage to clean, another cat to trim & brush not wanting to be outdone by the lipstick wearing freak, dishes, toys, dusting, sweeping, toilets, sinks, beds, meals, fighting, yelling, screaming, bitching, whining, complaining, bills, phone calls, stupid people, e-mails, play-dates, baths, Tweeting, Facebooking, Blogging, making Cheryl a new button ’cause I just couldn’t take the stress anymore & really wanted to sleep tonight, getting a freakin’ life, a yard full of neighbours, a surprise visit from family, the frantic prep work involved in having all 3 girls competing in Cheer provincials tomorrow, from uniforms to hair to lunches & bags packed & at Crazy funny bunny image quotethe ready! And I know, right about here is where a lot of you are screaming at your computer screens, “Run, Bitch, Run! Are you CRAZY???!!!”, but the truth is, I wouldn’t get far….those little buggers would trip me up in a heartbeat before they ever let me escape….besides, we already know I’m crazy, & this time around, I remembered the liquor store on that list. So cheers to yet another weekend, & if you’ll excuse me, there’s a bottle of wine hollering at me to hurry the frik up & crack ’er open!

Signed,

The Mayor!

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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

themombshell April 17, 2010 at 9:26 am

I think I need a glass of red just reading about your day and it’s only 9:30am but the MIL does have the kids for the day…
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J April 17, 2010 at 11:15 am

The transsexual cat almost caused me to piss myself! YOu are hilarious!

The Mayor! April 18, 2010 at 3:28 pm

LOL…even I was laughing so stinkin’ hard I could barely see the keyboard through the tears! I crack myself up….or am I just cracked??!! Either way, the poor cat in question has suddenly earned himself a couple new nicknames here in Crazy Town LOL!
:-D

Stacy aka MOMMY! ahaha April 18, 2010 at 7:58 pm

snorting!!!!

Pamela April 19, 2010 at 1:15 pm

Once again, I’m down-right exhausted (not to mention in stitches from laughing so hard) just reading about the goings-on in Crazy Town. Usually I’d agree with you about the wine, but have you considered something stronger? A little vodka and Red Bull cocktail perhaps? LOL!
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cna training April 19, 2010 at 6:20 pm

My cousin recommended this blog and she was totally right keep up the fantastic work!

Cheryl April 19, 2010 at 10:38 pm

Oh no!! I’m so sorry I caused you such inner turmoil! Such anguish! Such frustration! Well, I WAS sorry, until I read that you slept until 10 a.m. The eff?? What mother gets to sleep til 10? X likes to wake up just before 6. I’m lucky if he wasn’t up at 2, also!

Speaking of my button..any way you could put a child’s head in that pot?
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The Mayor! April 19, 2010 at 10:53 pm

Are you being serious??!! Cause I just LMAO at the thought of you cooking a toddler!!! BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! And if I’ve done anything right as a parent, it was to train ALL my kids to SLEEP IN!! And every single one of them does! Of course, the trade off is that I don’t put them to bed at 8pm….but I’d rather have quiet mornings than quiet evenings LOL! :-D

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