Kids Say The Darndest Things!

by The Mayor!

Funky Funky Fresh quoteAfter watching The Baby dance around the kitchen singing her own ridiculously inappropriate version of Funky Funky Fresh…(WORD!), that made me burst out in to ridiculously inappropriate laughter, that I then did a ridiculously dismal job of hiding from her, I realized I was long overdue for another post sharing those wonderfully entertaining moments. And just for those who are new to Crazy Town, the residents in question are as follows:

The One We Screwed Up: My almost 12 year old son, & as the only boy, often referred to simply as “The Boy”. He earned his Crazy Town moniker by virtue of being the first born, thus the one we made most of our parenting mistakes with….admittedly, a pretty great kid in spite of that, even with the recent addition of “attitude”!

The One I Butt Heads With: My oldest of the daughters at 9 & ½, the one who never stops talking, & the one who can pull off “stubborn” even better than I can!

The Diva: The child that was born a teenaged fashionista brat, but is, in actuality, not quite 7 years old.

The Baby: Despite having recently turned four, as the youngest, she will just always be The Baby, & is a spoiled little goofball!

The Only Child: The not quite 7 year old son of The Best Friend, with an attitude that parallels my own not quite 7 year old, each of them being just a little too big for their britches at times!

Embarrassing my kid funny quote

Out Of The Mouths Of Babes….

The Diva: Here’s the things I like Mom. Metal stuff, cell phones, cool cars, flat hair, & becoming a singing superstar, because bigger is better!…..The One I Butt heads With (in response to this): You are SO superficient!

The One We Screwed Up (in his lame ass attempt at wishing his mother a happy 40th birthday!): It’s weird, just a few hours ago I was talking to this cool lady in her thirties, but it’s like she disappeared overnight!…..& then, when I decided to get the tattoo, he said THIS….Yeah, you would, you really ARE crazy like that!

The Baby: I WANT A DRINK!….Mom: I WANT A MILLION DOLLARS!….The Baby: But I don’t have any dollars!! Can I still have a drink??

The One I Butt Heads With (at her brother): Are you stupid?! S-T-U-P-E-D, stupid??!!

The Diva: I had a dream last night that I was BFF’s with a pickle jar…A PICKLE JAR I TELL YOU!!!!

The Baby (barging in to the bathroom on her brother): Your peanut (which is how the word “penis” comes out of her mouth!) is ugly,Funny cartoon kids comic quotes family I want to cut it off. The Boy (in response): Your vagina is a bizarre black hole that’s capable of shooting humans out of it! (he WAS chastised for speaking to his little sister like that….after I stopped laughing!)

The Only Child (after The Best Friend was cut off while driving & had waved her hands at the guy in annoyance): Mommy, you were driving with no hands!….The Best Friend: Because that guy doesn’t know how to drive at all!….The Only Child: HE was driving with JERK hands!

Mom (about a certain celebrity): I could just eat him up, he’s so cute!….The Baby: No you can’t, he’s not dinner, he’s just a boy!

Mom (to The Diva): What is with all these tantrums lately??….The Diva (who’s also a huge Twilight fan!): It’s my inner vampire coming out!

Bunny robbing snowman funny cartoonThe One We Screwed Up (passing on his brotherly advice to his little sister): Just ask Mom, SHE thinks she knows everything!

The Only Child (during a conversation with The Best Friend over the validity of the Easter Bunny): Yeah, right, a TALKING rabbit! Sure Mom.

The Baby: I LOVE Flute Floops! (Fruit Loops!)

The Diva: Mommy, I’m really glad I’m not fugly, you know, fat & ugly……The Boy (in response): Who says??…The Diva:  Why do you have to complicate things?

The One I Butt Heads With: Everything I do is suckish!….The Diva: Not everything, you’re really good at complaining!

The Diva (while her brother was watching the music video for Disturbia on youtube that I told her she couldn’t watch): It’s disturbing Mommy….that’s why it’s called Disturbia.

Mom (to The One We Screwed Up): So, how’s puberty treatin’ ya??….The Boy: Pretty sucky, thanks for asking! I’m tired all the time, & all I ever wanna do at school anymore is punch people!

Bunny funny quote cartoon

I must also add here, that if my 9 year old daughter says “OMG” one more frikkin’ time, I may just have to kill her….seriously, OMG! And because I laughed so hard, I have to share one more, from our neighbour, out of the mouth of her adorable, about-to-turn two year old daughter, who has recently learned the word “clock”….you’re already giggling, aren’t you?? They were out shopping, & the wee girl was pointing at a large clock on the wall….behind the male sales clerk. “Look mama, big c*ck, big c*ck mama!”. Terribly embarrassed by the look on his face, my neighbour quickly explained she was pointing at, & saying, “clock”. Funnier still, the clerk came back with….“That’s too bad, I was kind of flattered there for a minute!”.

Coming Up In Crazy Town!

Don’t forget to join us for the Wordless Wednesday blog hop with Mr. Linky, & don’t be too quick to delete those e-mails from your friends, you just might discover your Friday Funny blog hop post for The Mayor’s own version of FF!! We’re also looking forward to May Mayhem here in Crazy Town in celebration & recognition of some other great Moms, when I will be welcoming some guest posts…fine, when I’ll be making some other poor saps do all the work for me!

Signed,

The Mayor!

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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Stacy aka MOMMY! ahaha April 27, 2010 at 6:14 am

ahahahahhahahhahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa still peeing my pants ahahhahahhhahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

The Lurker April 27, 2010 at 9:05 am

I don’t which is my favourite – “Your vagina is a bizarre black hole that’s capable of shooting humans out of it!” or “Pretty sucky, thanks for asking! I’m tired all the time, & all I ever wanna do at school anymore is punch people!”.

Who needs Dalton’s new Sex Ed curriculum anyway? We’ll just send them all to your house!!! :-)

Still laughing!!!!

One Love Mama April 27, 2010 at 2:16 pm

Oh my goodness your house sounds like a blast! Can I grab a box of wine and come over and watch y’all!?

Cheryl April 27, 2010 at 7:19 pm

hysterical! i also say the “I want a million dollars” thing! And the vagina as a black hole – HA!
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The Mayor! April 28, 2010 at 1:44 am

LOL @ One Love Mama, as long as you bring enough to share!! :-D

And bear in mind, with the boy at least, given my very “natural” midwife attended, & even a couple home, births, he was involved in & present at THREE births, & certainly the last one, he clearly remembers!! But I thought I was going to fall over, I laughed so hard…a bizarre, big black hole capable of shooting humans out of it….the mental image alone had me in tears! And Lurker, I admit, despite his new found attitude, I’m grateful that he’s got that sense of humour behind it, “pretty sucky, thnx for asking!”…makes it a little easier to deal with, given what’s coming with these girls LOL!

:-D

Tracy April 28, 2010 at 9:38 am

OMG, no just kidding!! That was funny….loved the whole black hole comment! Definitely out of the mouths of babes. BTW, I can totally relate to the whole clock scenario. Hubby had bought a new black alarm clock and my son just had to show his nanny. Yep, can you imagine…..Also try explaining frog to people…..frog doesn’t exactly sound like frog if you know what I mean!!
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