After a particularly difficult week in which The Mayor has reached HER limits, the office of The Mayor has issued an official press release stating that from here on in, the Crazy Town limits shall now consist of The Edge Of Reason & The Brink Of Insanity. City Council attempted to veto these boundary changes by suggesting I listen to Reason & stop the Insanity, so I had them shot….survivors were shot again. Because I’m The Mayor. And they were a bunch of snivelling, kowtowing jackasses. I do, however, still have to contend with those who were born in to their positions of power. But unbeknownst to them, their hold on me is tenuous at best, growing weaker & weaker as they grow bigger & bigger. Cute ain’t cuttin’ it for them anymore…& my intelligence far outweighs theirs. Soon they will have nothing left with which to fight, & I shall delight in witnessing their own journey beyond our new town limits. Should they ever claim to have felt a hand shoving them over said Brink or Edge, they’re lying. It’s a feeble ploy to usurp my authority….the best their limited intelligence is capable of. In the meantime, with City Council having relinquished what little say they had in the workings of Crazy Town….you know, when someone had them all shot & killed….& the rug rats ever so smugly believing THEY hold all the power, The Mayor’s security detail is content that they have dealt with any & all viable threats to this office. Of course, just to be safe, I have asked my goons to ensure The Dad is firmly installed in the Crazy Town jail on deviously trumped up charges of once again breaking in to my trophy case to retrieve his testicles. This will buy me a few days of peace & quiet before he gets his day in court….read: before I deign to talk to him again. Or, I can just skip the charade, hand him a case of beer, & sit back & watch the drunk & disorderly charges rack up on his rap sheet. That will most definitely get him a few nights in the drunk tank…read: dog house. And though you may be wondering just where it is The Mayor’s nonsensical ramblings have gotten you, THIS is where my evil plan to withdraw from the harsh reality finally comes to fruition. With the naysayers safely ensconced in their graves, caves, & dog houses, & the real world incapable of breaking the impermeable new boundaries I’ve bestowed upon my town, I am now free to give in to the full blown crazies, the stress induced weepies, & the screw you hostilities. And since I’m crazy like that, I will engage in a heated battle of paper/rock/scissors with myself to choose which of these town limits to drag my Mayoral desk to, crawl underneath it, lay my head upon the lip stick wearing freak of a cat for comfort, & nibble happily away on one of those Valium candy necklaces….in case the cat comfort thing is an epic fail. Periodically, I may choose to peek my head out over The Edge or The Brink, but only to shoot caustic barbs at any who dare to venture near. And when I’m damn good & ready, the voices will wake up from their Valium induced haze to kick my ass & in their best authoritative tone holler, “Put your purse down Nancy, & get out your big boy pants! It is what it is, so grab it by the balls & DEAL!”….I never said the voices were kind. But they are effective. And in no time at all, the office of The Mayor will be fully operational once again, the entire incident on record as being a “Mental Health Break”. This IS Crazy Town after all….but after the week I’ve just had, I could reasonably argue that it’s the outside world that defies logic. And you call ME crazy….
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