…because I’m the type of Mommy who…
Has an underwear drawer full of pixie dust, tiny note paper, & brightly coloured pens ready & waiting for The Tooth Fairy…as opposed to an underwear drawer full of thongs, sensual oils, & batteries for my sex toys.
Has a two foot tall elf named Beans (’cause he’s full of ‘em!) that sits on the stairs all December long, leaving little notes & gifts around the house for the kidlets. He also has the magical ability to pop up in a new spot every morning, delighting the children with an elf hunt, & then is returned to his “spot” on the stairs to await his next adventure. Granted, he sometimes enjoys scaring the crap out of startling them by being right in their face when they open their eyes in the morning, & last X-mas we discovered photos of him kicking back in a little Princess Chair, shades on, TV remote, soda, & chips in hand….he’s such a bad ass!
An entire year after having lost her absolute favourite stuffed kitty in Disney, & still crying herself to sleep at times, finally got my hands on an identical replacement. “Disney” was kind enough to “ship it” home to her, complete with “Disney” mailing labels, & a formal letter typed on “Disney” letterhead explaing that her mom had sent THEM a letter & a photo, asking to look for her. Once they had found her in “The Castle”, Mickey & Minnie had her bathed & groomed (why else would she suddenly be so white & tidy again!), & sent her home! That little girl cried tears of joy that day…as did her Martha Stewart Mommy.
Ensures that every birthday has a theme, from start to finish….when one of them turned 4, it was a magician….with a bunny shaped cake (fitting, since that party was FOR my Bunny!) & top hats for loot “bags”, filled with magic tricks for the kids to take home. The Boy did a paintball party & all of his guests got camo bandanas & dog tags. Admittedly though, my favourite was the Rock Star party…this venue put them on stage, glammed them up, gave them an hour with instruments, music & a “coach”, then filmed their music video of them to take home! Of course, THAT cake was Hannah Montana…& Mom totally rocked on the air guitar! I’ve become fairly well known for my “wild parties” & kids talk about my loot bags months later…since usually they are still using them months later!
Sends her kids on clue-by-clue scavenger hunts to discover the gift at the end….each clue presented as a gift or a note, with a rhyming riddle leading them to their next clue…’cause I love messing with them!
Designs their bedrooms to be wonderful little worlds of their own….The Boy sleeps in the desert, racing down a two lane highway, evading actual police vehicles including a chooper overhead, while blowing past actual road signs, desert animals, & clouds all around containing hidden images. The girlie poos literally sleep in a tree…beds built from cedar logs & suspended from the ceiling, with an actual tree built all around them….& a whole crap load of fake trees torn apart & drilled in to the big branches to add the leaves, with the added touch of twinkle lights throughout & woodland Beanie Babies perched everywhere. Yes, I know, I’m a creative genius….& go figure, despite all the arguments to the contrary with The Dad all kinds of crazy haters, beds CAN be suspended from the ceiling! The whole point was, 3 girls, one bedroom, I couldn’t waste the floor space on something as silly as beds…so I didn’t.
Never once scoffed when the girlie poos asked if The Tooth Fairy would come see the piggie when HE lost a tooth, & instead, delved in to my totally vanilla underwear drawer & ensured the piggie got his visit.
Has an Easter Bunny who leaves photographic & physical proof of his existence each year….as does Santa Claus….though I’m not always impressed with the muddy paw prints, muddy boot prints, & pixie dust all of these do-gooders leave behind for me to clean up!
When I go somewhere with my own rug rats, I invariably bring along extras…& since 2 of our close family friends have 3 kids each, if I allow one to sleep over, I inevitably allow them all to sleep over. I’ve also been known to happily be alone at the cottage with ten, count ‘em, ten kidlets.
Buys out the dollar store of all the plastic kid’s golf sets so that I can take 7 of these kids & spend an afternoon in the woods playing a crazy round of goofy golf on an old abandoned Mini Putt course we discovered!
Spends the weekend destroying my house playing with those same golf sets & my own rug rats as we crawl around on our knees (just to make it sillier…& so The Baby isn’t totally PWNED by the rest of us!) playing an extremely out of hand game of “Hockey/Golf”….in the house…& MAN those hard plastic golf balls hurt comin’ off a slap shot!
Is never apart from my kids…never have been…why would I want to be?? They are my everything…
That’s why they call me Martha Stewart Mommy.
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