Last weekend, I was invited out for a night with the “girls”. I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, “I promise!”. Well, the hours passed and the margarita’s went down way too easily, as margaritas are want to do. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly realizing my husband would probably wake up, I “cuckooed” another 9 times. I was pretty impressed with myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution in order to escape a possible conflict with him….even when totally smashed, & being far too pretty to do math… 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, & I casually told him “MIDNIGHT”… he didn’t seem pissed off in the least. Thankful, & a little bit smug, I thought, “Phew, I got away with that one!”. Then he said this…“We need a new cuckoo clock.”.
When I nervously asked him why, he responded, “Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said “OH SHIT!”, cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted…
Here we are again, gathering together from around the internet in the hopes of escaping reality, if but for a brief time, engaging in mutual laughter over that which each of us have deemed worthy of making it to our funny Friday posts. As I have freely admitted in the past, I have a reputation for being “dead inside”….a running joke amongst those who know me, but not without a grain of truth. If I do have any remaining heart strings, they’re liable to snap like a twig should you attempt to tug on them, & my favourite genre for any form of entertainment is most definitely mystery/suspense/horror…who the hell pays good money to “relate” & cry??!! Entertainment should be an escape from the world, or poke fun at it all, not slap you in the face with how sh**ty & depressing it can be. But along with that cynical, “dead inside” personality comes a sardonic sense of humour that can be hard to please. Finding something capable of eliciting not only tears of laughter, but my infamous snort along with it, definitely makes the cut. Imagine my delight to have found not one, but two, such stories for today’s @$#*%! Friday! As I’m sure you’ve guessed, other than a bit of a rewrite, the Girl’s Night Out story is not actually mine…but it did reduce me to tears & elicit those snorts I so often get teased for! As did this one…
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, “All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we’re going down the tracks.”
The mother went nuts and told her son, “We don’t use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.”
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, “All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon.” She hears the little boy continue, “For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.”
As the mother began to smile, the child added, “For those of you who are totally f**king pissed about the goddamn TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen.”.
Pimp It Out & Whore It Up!
Happy @$#*%! Friday! Don’t forget to pimp your link to your own Friday funny with Sexy Mr. Linky & of course, do some whoring around the blogosphere with those who joined in on the fun! As a switch up to my Twitter #FF, I encourage you to leave your Twitter handle along with your comments if you’re looking for some new stalkers to liven up your newsfeed & send you twitpics of dead bunnies. I’d also like to thank The Dirty Mommy Club for her fabulous hospitality yesterday, & again, I deeply apologize for spewing in your closet. Sadly, my nerves got the better of me, along with all the gin Alabaster Cow plied me with to calm said nerves. And even though Ericka wasn’t entirely convincing in her claim that it was her first threesome also, I didn’t press her for details…she’s almost half my age, I was self concious enough without worrying if I’d measure up to her wild college days! Plus, no cows were harmed in the making of said threesome….& no bunnies were harmed in the writing of this post.
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