The North American Rug Rat & Yard Ape…

by The Mayor!

 A Study:

These fascinating creatures are both sub-species of the homosapien family. Subtle, but distinct differences separate the two, however, Rattus Carpeti & Hominous (pronounced om-i-nus) Gracilli share their environment & have similar appearance & cartoon ape monkey animalsbehaviour patterns when observed in their natural habitat. Found the world over, the North American variety of the Rug Rat & Yard Ape tend to be more spoiled than their European, Asian, & Southern hemisphere counterparts, & less respectful of the typical pecking order found within the pack. Their small stature & adorable appearance belies the trouble underneath, & provides them with invaluable tools for survival.

The Basic Nature:

The Yard Ape, as it’s name might suggest, is a more boisterous animal, nimble & quick, & can often be seen swinging from chandeliers & climbing atop furniture, always ready to take it’s prey by surprise. The Rug Rat has a sneakier approach,Rug rat cute picture relying on their cunning & wit to survive, often fooling their prey with their beguiling nature, & lulling them in to submission. It can be difficult to tell them apart, but over time, those within their pack will be able to differentiate between the two. Though omnivores by birth, most tend towards the practice of Sugatarianism, & are quite adept at finding any & all sources of sugar for sustenance.

The Typical Habitat:

When observed in their natural environment, one notices the presence of grubby paw prints covering every surface. Upon closer inspection, they seem to have a particular affinity for all things breakable, & often the dwelling is in a state of disrepair. Remnants of any & all food sources are strewn around with little concern for cleanliness, & mounds of laundry & various toys can make the terrain hazardous for all pack members. The Rug Rat & Yard Ape will both resort to sticky spills in which to ensnare their enemy, & use this, along with other household disaster tactics to delay & occupy the pack Cleaning funny quotes cartoon imagesleader while they make good their escape. They also rely on their ability to emit ear piercing, mind numbing, noises to confuse, anger or befuddle those around them. The creatures themselves are immune to any adverse effects from said noises, & are able to take advantage of these situations either by evoking pity, or temporary insanity in those within range. It can also be noted that other household pets seem to have a fair amount of hostility towards the Yard Ape & Rug Rat, perhaps because the more basic animal nature of these pets can sense the inherent danger of lowering your guard to them.

Interactions:

Though they are indigenous to the area, they are often mislabelled as “exotic” due to the extraordinary expense involved in keeping them. There can be much infighting amongst themselves, as they seem to constantly vie for the time & affection of the pack leader, & oddly, will also engage in battle over inanimate objects. Fresh air & exercise are imperative to their survival, but often they need to be bribed in to leaving their habitat. Presenting these outings in the form of fun,Fighting funny quote & usually expensive, activities is necessary. A leash is highly recommended. The pack leader will also be required to invest a great deal of their own time in to keeping up with the feeding habits of these ravenous creatures & attempting to keep them on the path of a balanced diet. It’s also worth mentioning that the pack leader has an almost uncanny ability to function with little to no sleep, sometimes for years, an impressive sacrifice for their young.

Leader Of The Pack:

In an effort to tame the oft times aggressive & mischief making behaviour of the Yard Ape or Rug Rat, the pack leader must learn to utilize the tools at hand. Typically the natural environment consists of numerous electronic devices that can be used to dull the senses, creating an almost hypnotic effect, & achieve a period of quiet from these creatures. If the pack leader doesn’t learn to rely Funny sign kids lawn imageon these distractions from time to time, they may find themselves usurped from their position of power for lack of mental agility & physical endurance, which is eventually worn down by the Rug Rats & Yard Apes. Once the leader has lost control, it can be rather difficult to win it back, & they will have to resort to the same ear piercing screams or pity party tears to gain back some footing. When emitted by their elders, these noises do have some effect on the creatures & can result in a modicum of success if used properly.

Conclusions:

There seems to be subtle differences from pack to pack, but ultimately, these differences are barely discernible & difficult to measure with any scientific accuracy. This leads to the conclusion that the North American Rug Rats & Yard Apes, whether by nurture or nature, are a predictable species, & as such, can be contained & controlled. There are no indications to support the claim that they should be eradicated as pests, though they could make the endangered species list if they were ever set free to run wild onFunny sign children society. We must rely on the pack leaders to continue in their role of containing, supporting, & nurturing them until such a time as they are ready & prepared to take on a pack of their own. This can take anywhere from 18 to 30 years, thus it is a tremendous & loving sacrifice on the part of the pack leader, one rarely seen in the animal kingdom. Given all the information disseminated here, one can only conclude that these pack leaders are genetically predisposed to be able to form such an attachment & devote their lives to the raising of such annoying & messy creatures.

Signed,

The Mayor!

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{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }

KLZ July 19, 2010 at 6:38 am

“When observed in their natural environment, one notices the presence of grubby paw prints covering every surface. Upon closer inspection, they seem to have a particular affinity for all things breakable, & often the dwelling is in a state of disrepair.”

That, my lovely lady, is perfectly apt. And why I come over here. And why my house looks like FEMA should be helping me out.
KLZ´s last blog ..Advising Myself &amp Avoiding TerrorMy ComLuv Profile

themombshell July 19, 2010 at 6:43 am

Exotic because of the expense?! LOL!
themombshell´s last blog ..I give good 32 year old mom faceMy ComLuv Profile

Motpg July 19, 2010 at 8:42 am

Hey, when I got mine they told me it would be fine to leave them in the back yard and just throw them donuts.
Now I know where that puppy came from…..
Motpg´s last blog ..Grounding 101 Or what the heck happened ThursdayMy ComLuv Profile

Stephanie Suesan Smith @ gardening July 19, 2010 at 9:40 am

Both subspecies have an affinity for dogs and will hurl themselves at any dog they see. This despite the fact that they do not know if the dog, or owner, are friendly. The leash is a wonderful idea for both creatures. The dog responds to voice commands, the creatures do not.
Stephanie Suesan Smith @ gardening´s last blog ..ComLuv-FamousBloggers Contest Benefits Garden BloggersMy ComLuv Profile

Momma Drama July 19, 2010 at 12:05 pm

too good, i especially love the “pack leader” section detailing the use of electronic devices to put them into a hypnotic state. love it.
Momma Drama´s last blog ..I’m Pregnant and…My ComLuv Profile

Alexandra July 19, 2010 at 1:35 pm

I have LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG been sayin’ this….

P.S. I’ll be doing funny friday link up with you this friday. Going to have to alternate b/c of account of my schizophrenia. One friday will be serious shit and stuff and writing development and then the other friday will be let your freak flag fly with the mayor.

Already split in two, so it’ll work.

See you Friday!!!!!!!

Cheryl @ Mommypants July 19, 2010 at 1:56 pm

Oh. So when you say “electronic devices” you don’t mean shock collars. Damn.

Alexandra July 19, 2010 at 4:05 pm

Mayor: call in all reinforcements. Just found out I’m a finalist in the NOT mom of the year contest (something to BE PROUD OF…)

can you come over and vote for me? I’d love this trophy to flash around this castle, esp. in Mr Man’s face.

Thank you!

Pamela July 19, 2010 at 6:46 pm

Hilarious! But now it’s all starting to make sense – my home too has been inhabited by a couple of those specimens!
Pamela´s last blog ..I Fought the LawMy ComLuv Profile

Sandra July 19, 2010 at 7:08 pm

You are like, a real writer! This was fantastic to read and so well written, I couldn’t take my eyes off the words. This was fantastic…oh wait, I already said that…well, see, I’m not the one who is going to get the publishing contract. This was fantastic!

Imperfect Momma July 20, 2010 at 6:59 am

You had me for a second…dont laugh too hard :) . “It’s also worth mentioning that the pack leader has an almost uncanny ability to function with little to no sleep, sometimes for years, an impressive sacrifice for their young” so very true! (insert yawn here) Love your post hilarious as usual! Thought of you the other day when I took a trip to crazy town…didn’t have time to visit. Stood in the margarita district for most of the day.

Average Girl July 20, 2010 at 1:59 pm

I’m still fixated on that picture that says, “A Clean House is a Sign of a Wasted Life.” I finally have validation!!! Thank you, Mayor~

allison July 20, 2010 at 5:28 pm

Cripes, this is too much like reading homework! Are you gonna make us do a project? You’re ruining my life!

CB July 21, 2010 at 5:21 pm

Too fucking funny whore! I laughed my damn ass off!
CB´s last blog ..Well- the garage door survived!My ComLuv Profile

Country Girl March 6, 2013 at 7:46 pm

I became a ‘pack leader’ myself just over 7 months ago. lol

I don’t think Cheryl’s electric shock collar idea is too bad, the drool and spilled food might short circuit it however resulting in even more expense! :-P

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