Embracing The Crazy…

by The Mayor!

funny image crazy friendSo go figure, telling the whole world that I hear voices & allowing said voices the freedom to spill their randomness, actually helped me to break through the major writer’s block I’ve had of late. Embrace the insanity. I often find myself at a loss for words in times of great stress or emotional turmoil…but lately, I’ve had a new stumbling block to overcome. In the course of my new career path, along with my other duties, I am now responsible for 2 other blogs besides Crazy Town. There, I am a nameless, faceless entity, devoid of personality lest I lose my job by letting too much of the crazy come through in the writing. Dry, dull, unfamiliar material, requiring research, creativity, & imagination to make anyone want to read it. I don’t wanna read it, & I’m my own biggest fan. And in the process, I find my creative energy drained, my time strained, & I’ve neglected both Crazy Town & all the wonderful friends I’ve made because of it. I’m not the blog whore I used to be now that I’m pimping myself out to 3 blogs. And yet, you continue to cast your vote for The Mayor…& I thank you for that! Especially my dear friend, the Empress, who urged me to enter a writing contest by another fab blogger, The Girl Next Door Grows Up…who gave me an honourable mention for “crazy, wonderful humour”. Considering the amount of entries, & the company I was in, that’s pretty fantastical! And reassuring to know that my particular brand of crazy is appreciated somewhere…

The Battle For Olympus…

The Boy & I are engaged in a nasty battle. He may be the great strategist, but in a battle of wits, I will beat him every time. Of course, since we’re total geeks, he & I, this particular fight is over a book. “The Last Olympian”. We both raced through the series last summer, yet have been unable to get our hands on the 5th & last book, between the long waiting list at the library, & the high cost of a hardcover we’d both finish in a day. Out of nowhere, he comes home for lunch bristling with excitement…the book fair has started, & they have it, in softcover, for $7.50! After dumping purses & piggy banks, scrounging couches & coat pockets, we dig up enough for him to buy it. And it’s been a brutal game of hide & seek ever since. I’ve slept with it under my pillow, he’s snuck it off to school, each of us unwilling to put it down forfunny image hide & seek sanity fear the other will pick it up, as we desperately try to squeeze the time out of our day to get ‘er done. He’s the type that wants to barrel thru in one fell swoop…much like me, he has a hard time putting down a good book…so is keeping it close until that chance arises. I, however, am content to squeeze a chapter in when I can, just happy to read a book at all these days, so I too, want to keep it close to make use of those windows of time. Difficult to gauge who’s got the advantage right now…I’ve made a good dent in it already, while he has yet to start it. On the other hand, I made the mistake of leaving it out in plain sight, & apparently it got up & walked away…in return, The Boy’s meals will “get up & walk away” until that book is back in my hands. Mess with me f**k…

It’s All In The Details…

funny image drunk kittySeriously dude, get with the program. As it turns out, this Mom who neglected to put a pick up time on the birthday invitation The Baby brought home, did it on purpose…because she doesn’t know…WTF? Look lady, I’m not dropping off my 12 year old, who is perfectly capable of looking after himself & can pick up the phone & call me when he needs a ride. This is my FOUR year old…& I don’t know you from a hole in the ground. Is she kidding me?? After carefully explaining the 4 kids, the juggling, the tight scheduling, she still hems & haws, seemingly unable to even grasp why it mattered. So since I do it so well, I told HER how it was gonna work…I would drop The Baby off at 2pm, & when my son was done his hockey game at 4pm, I would come & get her. I will also be writing my cell phone number on The Baby’s arm…’cause I’m pretty sure this woman was a little bit drunk…

Pimp My Ride…

Against my better judgement, given the trouble with Tracy, I am accompanying my oldest daughter on her class trip to see the Terra Cotta Warriors. And yes, I am taking along my sh** disturbing funny image museumcamera…I can’t help myself. But I am beyond excited, regardless of my poor track record with these excursions & my uncanny ability to cause chaos everywhere I go, breaking rules like the bad ass rebel I am. Unfortunately, my daughter could care less about this rare opportunity, outside of a day spent with Mom. Cards on the table…NOT the ideal activity for her & I to engage in together…shoe shopping would be more appropriate for a “special” outing with this one. And before this trip had come up, my son & I had already planned to go together, given the passion we both have for such incredible history. Now I’m in a quandary…I promised to take him, but I promised to go on this trip with her…& the exhibit closes in 2 weeks. It’s also a logistical nightmare, trying to sort out getting everyone safely where they need to be when I’m taken out of the equation. So after much mulling, I finally reached a solution that managed to benefit everyone, especially The Boy, since this was just too important to him. Firstly, I managed to convince The Dad to take a very rare day off. I would go on the bus with Bunny & he would get The Diva to school, then drive down with The Boy. My Mom will come out for the morning to stay with The Baby & get her to afternoon Kindergarten, The Diva will just stay for lunch, & I will be back in time to collect the 2 little ones afterwards. Everyone wins. And because I’m just so giving like that, I even decided to walk to school at 7:30 in the morning, offering up my truck to the boys…to take downtown for the day. With their ridiculously shiny new rims. And in an even grander gesture of my generous nature, I’m more than willing funny image cats stealing wheelsto print up the ideal parking lots for them to leave the truck for the day. Especially after being told by my neighbour, when the whole point of the exercise was that I needed new tires for the winter, that said new tires…with their ridiculously shiny new rims…are actually performance tires (read: my penis is bigger than yours), & not at all suitable for winter use. He assumed I would never figure this out, though even before the neighbour narced, I was already wondering how these treads seemed any better than the ones he had removed. Admittedly, before he gets his polishing rag in a knot & squirts me in the eye with Armor All, he managed to score this set of tires for free…& claims he will put on winter tires when the time comes. Given the precious cargo on board, I plan to hold him to that….& if all goes according to plan, that time may come as early as tomorrow. I love the big city…& it’s criminal element.

funny image pimp my ride

When I say ridiculously shiny, I MEAN ridiculously shiny!

Signed,

The Mayor!

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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

Tracy November 16, 2010 at 5:48 am

Dropping in to say hi. You are one busy lady, here hoping you have a great week ahead! Take care of yourself :O)

kimmie November 16, 2010 at 6:57 am

Drunk birthday party mom is hoping you’ll stay at the party til it’s over and keep an eye on your own little darling…..LOL
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Kimberly November 16, 2010 at 7:18 am

You mean to tell me that you’re cheating on us with 3 other blogs?! You whore!
So who’s winning the book race and who decides the winner? Do you have to do a book report at the end or something?
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Erika November 16, 2010 at 12:54 pm

Awww… thanks but you really did deserve it!!! I have been here a few times and every single time I laugh out loud. I really do!!

Motpg November 16, 2010 at 1:45 pm

I am constantly having to rescue my books from my Middlest’s pit, or bedroom as she calls it. When the child was younger she actually had the nerve to Lose my copy of A Tree Grows in Brooklyn!

I am envying you the Terra Cotta Warriors exhibit. Be a photo commando for us!
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Jasmine November 17, 2010 at 11:06 am

Wow…you sound as crazy as I am! Crazy with 2 little girls, crazy with mechanic boyfriend, crazy with work and crazy with school!!! I know what you mean about promising one thing to the boy and then another to your daughter! I think sometimes I overwhelm myself in telling everyone “yeah, sure I can do that!” when in reality I should be in Barnum & Bailey circus for juggling such things! Stay crazy!
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Sandra November 20, 2010 at 5:22 pm

You are a pretty terrific writer. And now you have 3 blogs???!!! You are leading the life I want…minus the kids. I don’t want the kids, I have enough of my own.
Congrats on all your success darling, you so deserve it. You are gifted.
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