‘Twas The Week Before Christmas…

by The Mayor!

funny cartoon first-day-of-christmas

‘Twas the week before Christmas, & all through the house,

Mom’s going crazy, while Dad’s getting soused.

The stockings are hung, haphazard & worn,

And  the Christmas decor is tattered & torn.

The children are whiny, all sick in their beds,

While feverish nightmares dance in their heads.

And me with my eye twitch, bespeaking my plight,

Is horribly sleep deprived from wrapping all night.

When all through the house, there arose such a clatter,

I knew in an instant the rug rats were better.

Away to the stairs, I flew like a flash,

I’m too old for that, so I fell on my ass.

The jelly smeared handprints on my once pristine walls,

Tell all who may enter that kids roam these halls.

When what to my bleeding eyes should appear,

But two little girls, their cheeks streaked with tears.

With The Diva defiant, The Baby so sweet,

I knew in a moment which one to beat.

More rapid than eagles, my temper did grow,

The brats all scattered before I could blow.

“Now rug rats, & yard apes, & all kids of mine!

Stay out of my face, I’ve run short on time!”

“To your rooms, to the neighbours, I really don’t care,

Just dash away, dash away, get out of my hair!”

And it’s back to the cooking & cleaning for me,

The shopping, the wrapping, no time to go pee!

With the cat eating tinsel, & the cookies all burnt,

My wine glass is empty & I wish it weren’t.

As I frantically searched all the cupboards & shelves,

I wondered if Santa could spare me some elves.

Little green men to do all my bidding,

And deal with the rug rats screaming & hitting.

Instead here I am, dressed like a slob,

With tape in my hair, & flour in globs.

A bundle of toys, still left to wrap,

Taunting me cruelly, as I try to nap.

My eyes, they are bleary, my ears they are ringing,

From the incessant noise of Dora’s singing.

My droll little mouth, drawn down in a frown,

As I once again neglect my virtual Town.

The empty wine glass, held tight in my hand,

Begs to be filled, but sadly I can’t.

Mustn’t get sloshed with so much to do,

If Mommy doesn’t do it, the question is who?

For it all falls to us at this time of year,

To handle it all & spread Christmas cheer.

A blink of my eyes, & a shake of my head,

Soon helped sweep away my feeling of dread.

I will get it done, I must set to work,

The joy it will bring them, my one real perk.

And laying aside the glass I’ll fill later,

I finish up wrapping, even Darth Vader.

Finally it’s done, & Mom can relax,

Head to her blog & poetically wax.

But worth every moment, for my children, my light,

So Merry Christmas to all, & to all a good night!

christmas_myspace_graphics_03

Wishing a safe & joyous holiday to all of you! I am truly blessed for the friendships I have gained here in Crazy Town, & for all of the wonderful friends I have in the real world who have supported me in my virtual one! And since it is Friday, & I think this qualifies as “funny”, I have included Mr. Linky just in case any of you managed to find a spare moment amidst your own chaos to throw up a post today!

Signed,

The Mayor!

No related posts.

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

themombshell December 24, 2010 at 7:41 am

Merry Christmas Mayor, may your wine glass be ever filled! xo
themombshell´s last blog ..the twelve days of Christmas if I dont get a very shiny nose firstMy ComLuv Profile

Panama City Beach Rentals December 27, 2010 at 10:25 pm

Merry Christmas you too.Very nice poem.

discoveringtheme December 28, 2010 at 7:37 pm

Hope you survived and enjoyed it too!
discoveringtheme´s last blog ..Christmas Bakers – Holiday Photo ContestMy ComLuv Profile

Sukhmandir Kaur December 28, 2010 at 8:16 pm

‘TWAS

‘Twas just one shopping day left ‘til Xmas when all through the Malls
Human Creatures were scurrying filling the Halls
Display Windows and Mannequins were all decorated with care,
By merchants, hoping shoppers would purchase their ware.

The Isles were piled high with bargains galore
In every direction, in every store.
Clustered in corners, Carols were sung,
Beneath colored lights twinkling, holly and candy canes hung.

Children were standing in lines for Santa to see
To sit on his knee perpetuating a fantasy.
Asking for presents they hoped he would leave
When he squeezed down non-existent chimneys, on Xmas Eve.

At least one child advised Santa to get a bigger pack,
‘Cuz just his list of gifts wanted would fill up the whole sack.
Another kid gave Santa a computerized map
With detailed directions as he sat in his lap.

And one little girl with her wondering eyes brightly lit,
Told Santa “Be sure it’s the right color so I don’t have to return it.”
One little waif brought a tear to his eye
When he asked what she wanted and heard the reply.

“Mom and Dad have been fighting, she’s not well, and he’s broke
She’s been talking about leaving him for some other bloke
Who has got more money and can give her more stuff
She thinks my daddy can’t give her enough.

So what I want this Xmas is to give mommy more of,
What she really needs, health, forgiveness, and family love.”
Another little Tot gave Santa’s heart a squeeze
When he heard his innocently wistful plaintive pleas

On tiptoe the little one whispered in his ear
“Grandpas doctor said his time is near.
But Grandpa wishes that he had longer to live,
Because he feels like he still has so much to give,

And says he just needs a few extra days
So that he can tend to mending his ways.
So Santa what I’m asking you to do
Is to give Gramps the gift of life until this year’s through.

One last little rascal who hopped up on his knee
Pulled hard on his beard and demanded merrily
To know if Santa’s Claws were for real
Grabbed a handful of peppermints and ran off with a squeal.

Just about then Santa heard the loudspeakers blare
Advising Xmas shoppers to be aware.
Time was running out and they better be prepared
With ribbons and wrapping paper to show how much they cared.

Only a few trees were left standing on the lot
Better get one for the office party, and in case you have forgot
We have tinsel, ornaments, and artificial snow
All designed for a super spectacular glowing show

Plastic reindeer, fiberglass chimneys, and ceramic figurines
For portraying and displaying Santa’s Work Shoppe or Nativity Scenes.
All for 0 % interest and no money down
Credit cards and checks accepted, we are the best buy in town.

Holiday shoppers bring purchases to the register, its closing
time.
On the way out be sure to give the bell ringing Santa your very last dime,
Help feed the poor and provide presents for those less fortunate.
Merry X-mess to all and be happy for all you give and get.

by Sukhmandir Kaur (couldn’t resit after reading yours ;)

The Lurker January 3, 2011 at 12:05 am

I love that poem Tracy!!! You are one very talented woman!!!!!!!!

Leave a Comment

CommentLuv Enabled

Previous post:

Next post: