A Haunting In Crazy Town…

by The Mayor!

The Following Account Is Based On Actual Events…

My house is haunted. Given the “prankster” nature of these incidents, I can only assume it’s a poltergeist. It started innocently enough, little things really. In a house with 4 kidlets, they were the type of thing one could easily dismiss as being the handiwork of one brat or another…you know, the kind you don’t even bother to mention as you shake your head in exasperation, clean it up, & move on. Then it went from the occasional annoyance to outright, “WTH??!!, Who’s responsible for this??!!”. “This” being stickers…everywhere…more & more by the day, as my frustration & confusion with the situation grew. These things were turning up on doors, walls, personal belongings, nothing was sacred. The stickers themselves varied from Tinkerbell to Smiley Faces to Bedazzling Jewels…all scary poltergeist movieof which are easily found in my home, & none of which pointed to one particular culprit. My breaking point came when I awoke to find myself stickered by this phantom prankster…Tinkerbell on my face, a few Smiley’s on my hands. But despite my cajoling, threatening, & bribing, every rug rat in the house claimed to be as baffled as I, with the usual chorus of “Not Me!”. And then the pranks took on a more destructive, & sinister, nature. A DVD the girls had gotten for Christmas turned up with the cover “artistically enhanced”…Ramona & Beezus suddenly had moustaches, eyebrows, & really bad toupees, in black permanent marker. The One I Butt Heads With & The Diva were outraged by this blasphemy, & immediately accused their brother. The Boy is incapable of lying to me, & really, at 12 years old, has progressed beyond this particular brand of torture. I believed him when he insisted he hadn’t done it. We all agreed the handiwork was also beyond The Baby…just as he was too old for that, she was too young to have come up with, & so flawlessly executed, such a stunt. We also agreed that it really seemed like a “boy” thing to do, not typically the manner in which girls “express” themselves. The Best Friend had been over that day, & we entertained the idea of her 7 year old son being the culprit, but it didn’t really seem like him either. As an only child, he’s not inclined to mess with other people’s stuff…that behaviour comes part & parcel with having to share everything with siblings. Once again, we were left baffled, confused, & totally frikkin’ annoyed. Seriously, in a house this small, it’s highly unlikely that any one child would have both the means & opportunity to have pulled these stunts…you can’t turn around without bumping in toSupernatural sexy Sam & Dean someone, let alone manage to ninja stickers everywhere, or find enough privacy to draw such dastardly doodles. By now, I was convinced we had a vengeful spirit on our hands, & fervently hoped the ever-so-hunky Sam & Dean would show up to investigate my Supernatural happenings. And then things took a nasty turn to downright traumatic, not 24 hours after discovering the altered DVD case, when the quiet of the house was suddenly shattered by girly shrieks of shock & dismay. The One I Butt Heads With, fighting back tears of anger & grief, is waving her Justin Bieber book under my nose, screaming, “Just look at this Mom!! Who would do such a thing??!!”…The front cover of her prized possession now had a Justin sporting facial hair, glasses, & a new spiky ‘do, all in permanent black marker…Ohhhhhh The HORROR! Once again, I gathered the children. Once again, we were all in agreement that it just didn’t fit the girls. Once again, The Boy vehemently denied being responsible. And once again, we discussed the possibility that it was The Best Friend’s boy, with 2 similar discoveries coming just when he had paid us a visit. Yet, we still couldn’t accept that this was his style. We ran through other possibilities, but my “other” kids, the 3 siblings of close family friends who would typically be in & out almost daily, had been out of the country for weeks. None of their other friends had been over recently either, since these events took place over the holidays. This campaign of terror seemed to be escalating, & we were at a complete loss…my children were frightened, I felt powerless to stop this pervasive evil running rampant in my home, & we were all feeling anxious & concerned for what might come next. Barbies being beheaded? I’ve already noticed a disturbing trend of this happening to all of their male Barbies. Surprisingly though, when this mystery was finally solved, the truth was far more disturbing than any of us could have imagined. We did indeed have a prankster on our hands…we’d been introduced many times before, this prankster & I. But this time, “Not Me” had been Funny poltergeist cartooncaught red handed…or should I say, sticker handed. There was The Baby, as happy as you please, singing a little song, & merrily skipping down the stairwell with her sheet of stickers, slapping them on the wall as she went. For the love of Pete…how on earth had this child gotten away with it for so long?? Even worse, despite having serious doubts that she could be capable of these other nefarious acts, once we pinned her down & grilled her, she fessed up to the dastardly doodles as well, even producing the black marker she had hidden away for her gratuitous graffitis…though none of us has a clue as to where she ever got the idea to draw such graffiti on these pictures. Go figure…my poltergeist turned out to be a rather talented, creative, & sneaky 4 year old. She prefers to be known as “Not Me”…

Signed,

The Mayor!     

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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

themombshell January 15, 2011 at 9:09 am

I was this close to calling Ghost Hunters! The Baby!? I’m impressed!
themombshell´s last blog ..2010 parenting failsMy ComLuv Profile

Lanita January 21, 2011 at 12:41 pm

Oh no. A four year old grafitti artist in training. Maybe you could give her a white board and let her practice on that, rather than on her family’s things.
Lanita´s last blog ..No Children- No Dogs- No WorriesMy ComLuv Profile

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